“once again
I hear of somebody who is going to
settle down and
do their work,
painting or writing or whatever,
as soon as they get a better light
installed,
or as soon as they move to a new
city,
or as soon as they come back from the trip they have been planning,
or as soon as . . .

it’s simple: they just don’t want to do it,
or they can’t do it,
otherwise they’d feel a burning itch from hell
they could not ignore and ‘soon’
would turn quickly into ‘now’.”

“Make friends with the pain and you’ll never be alone”

I'm convinced running is the most hardcore sport.

Nothing else gets you that close to your dark side. Lifting is close. Fighting is closer. But spending hours on a long run alone is something else. It is beyond physical.

It is just you your breath your shoes and your mind drifting off to an unknown place you only survive by listening to the voice- the pure, relentless, animalistic part of you- that the fight must go on.

It takes control for a while.

Aching knees. Losing breath. Twisted ankles. Stitching chest.

Nothing matters.

You just keep pushing and become someone you've never been.

And then, the rest of life feels soft. Vanilla. You do your work, you do your emails, but quietly crave getting back to them. To the voice. To the adrenaline and intensity that only comes from that cocktail of speed, pain, and pleasure.

I'm not sure this is a good thing. But it is a thing..and once you're addicted, good luck getting out.

Most of Cameron’s films have came from ideas he’s had in his dreams-

“I have my own private streaming service that’s better than any of that other shit out there, and it runs every night for free in my head.”

“For about a year and a half I didn't even know if I wanted to make another Avatar film. I knew how all-consuming it would be, it basically took over my life for four years while making the first one. So I thought, do I really want to do this again? It's the highest grossing film in history, can't I just be satisfied with that?”

“I like difficult. I am attracted by difficult. Difficult is a fucking magnet for me. I go straight to difficult every chance I get…Because there is a lot of smart, talented, really good film makers out there that just can’t do the difficult stuff. So that gives me a tactical edge to do something nobody else has ever seen. Because really gifted people don’t want to fucking do it…their mediocrity is my opportunity”

“Being obsessed.

Being addicted.

Being consumed.

These words have negative connotations- when in reality, done towards the right things- they can create the most positive outcomes in the world.”

“As soon as Sanni got into the van, she broke down in sobs. She was terrified that I was crippled and that it was all her fault. I just lay in the back of the van trying to find a position that didn't hurt. I didn't really blame her-I should have asked how long the rope was, tied a knot in the end, and been generally more attentive. It was obviously her fault, since the rope went through her hands. But as the vastly more experienced climber, it was really my responsibility to make sure we didn't get into that kind of situation.

The next day, I was able to drive us home. It was somber in the van. I wondered if I could still fly to China. I wondered if I should even be dating Sanni. I've always wanted to be a good climber-my whole life is focused around that seemingly simple desire. I've always wanted a partner who helps me toward that goal, a partner who brings out the best in me. I worried that by crippling me, even by accident, Sanni was holding me back. I'd certainly ended plenty of other relationships because I felt like the woman might be holding me back.

Sanni and I stopped for burritos on the drive home. I started trying to express my feelings in my own halting, painful way. I told her that even though I thought she was great and I really liked being with her, I wondered whether it was really the best choice for my climbing.

She said, I know you're hurting. I know this is terrible. But is being single really going to make you feel any better?’

She had a point. But I just sat there in sullen silence.

‘This sucks,’ Sanni went on. ‘I'm so sorry. But this doesn't mean you have to be alone. You can be a good climber and still be in a good relationship. You can have it all.’

I hadn't ever really considered that. Could I have both?

We collected our roadside burritos and continued chatting. Over the next twenty minutes, she made it clear that I was not allowed to break up our promising relationship. I was relieved.

I hadn't really wanted to break up anyway, I just thought I was supposed to, as part of my commitment to sending the gnar. But I preferred to have both, just as Sanni said I could.”